Okay, that’s a lie. I’m trying not to care.
I’m currently working on placing my happiness in things I can actually control. I find that when I care about how many likes an article, or Instagram picture, etc. gets, then I stop creating content when I feel like nobody is watching.
It never starts that way. I begin by writing for me. Naturally, when you keep at something and put it out there on the internet, people will eventually come across it. I can rationalize easily in the beginning that “It will take time before people see my work.” I am able to continue writing.
After I pick up some traction, which this site has been doing, and I come across a dip in views, that’s when I get discouraged. I start to question whether or not my writing sucks, or whether I said something that turned people away. The thoughts are endless, but I question every possible angle as to why my viewers stopped reading.
Lately, I’ve tried to push through it and continue writing anyway. It worked for a little while. I even got motivated again when I saw a rise in the views again. However, the dip inevitably came back, and with it, my anxiety.
I can come up with excuses, and don’t get me wrong, I’ve got some real life stuff going on that any reasonable person would hear and say, “You’ve got a lot going on, it’s okay to step away from writing for a bit.” The problem is, I know that I should keep writing through it, but I let the comfort of sympathy allow me to relax.
You know what that does? It furthers the cycle. When you don’t write consistently, you lose viewers, followers, likes, etc. Then, when you return, as I will with this article, it’s like starting over again. They say that the key to success is consistency. Like water eroding rock over time, eventually, you’ll get there if you just keep at it. The only thing I’m consistent with is my inconsistency.
I have been using this time away to work on myself. I’ve been trying to focus on what I can control and place my happiness there instead. I can’t control whether or not this post is seen by anyone, but that shouldn’t dictate my writing it. I shouldn’t be writing for praise. I should be writing because I like to write. It should make me feel good that I wrote something at all. I should be able to say, “I like it, and I like me, and that’s enough.”
You know what? I do like my writing. I like this article. And hell, I like me. I am good enough. So, if you read this, cool, if not, whatevs, at least for today, I truly don’t mind. Tomorrow is another day, and another chance to practice inner happiness.
I hope you find yours too. =]