Month: February 2019


Rediscovering Me

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Since my hiatus from writing, I’ve done some looking inward. Like I stated in my previous post, I was letting external forces dictate my satisfaction. I placed attachment on things I could not control. I gave up some of my values to hopefully gain a little attention.

I’ve centered myself again. That’s not to say that I won’t fall off track again, but every now and then, hopefully sooner rather than later, I catch myself and make some adjustments to get back on track.

For starters, as silly as this sounds, I hate hashtags. However, from what I’ve read about marketing, you’re supposed to hashtag the shit out of a post so that it reaches more people. I’m not against putting a relevant tag, or few tags, to emphasize a point. For example, “I’m feeling like I can conquer the world!” #motivated

That makes sense. I still don’t love doing that, but it flows. But when I see 25-30 hashtags, or even worse, when I’m the one doing it, I could barf. It’s an unfortunate necessity, or so I think, to getting more views. I let my desire for views outweigh my disdain of excessive hashtagging, but, at least for now, I’m refraining.

The other thing I’ve done is posting too often. I run out of things to say, and then I force myself to write something because of my fear of losing viewers if I didn’t post every day. Honestly, it’s exhausting, and it sucks the fun out of writing. So, for now, I’m going to post when I have something to say. When I don’t, I won’t.

The final thing I am still working on is filtering my opinions. I am too afraid to say the wrong thing or displease a reader that I either refrain from saying anything at all, or I write like I’m walking on egg shells.  That isn’t me. If you talk to me in person, I am a very reasonable man, and I like to look at both sides of a story, but sometimes I lean towards the unpopular belief.

For now, which I keep saying because who knows what tomorrow brings, but today, I’m me again, and “damn it feels good to be a gangster.”



I Don’t Care About How Many Likes I Get

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Okay, that’s a lie. I’m trying not to care.

I’m currently working on placing my happiness in things I can actually control. I find that when I care about how many likes an article, or Instagram picture, etc. gets, then I stop creating content when I feel like nobody is watching.

It never starts that way. I begin by writing for me. Naturally, when you keep at something and put it out there on the internet, people will eventually come across it. I can rationalize easily in the beginning that “It will take time before people see my work.” I am able to continue writing.

After I pick up some traction, which this site has been doing, and I come across a dip in views, that’s when I get discouraged. I start to question whether or not my writing sucks, or whether I said something that turned people away. The thoughts are endless, but I question every possible angle as to why my viewers stopped reading.

Lately, I’ve tried to push through it and continue writing anyway. It worked for a little while. I even got motivated again when I saw a rise in the views again. However, the dip inevitably came back, and with it, my anxiety.

I can come up with excuses, and don’t get me wrong, I’ve got some real life stuff going on that any reasonable person would hear and say, “You’ve got a lot going on, it’s okay to step away from writing for a bit.” The problem is, I know that I should keep writing through it, but I let the comfort of sympathy allow me to relax.

You know what that does? It furthers the cycle. When you don’t write consistently, you lose viewers, followers, likes, etc. Then, when you return, as I will with this article, it’s like starting over again. They say that the key to success is consistency. Like water eroding rock over time, eventually, you’ll get there if you just keep at it. The only thing I’m consistent with is my inconsistency.

I have been using this time away to work on myself. I’ve been trying to focus on what I can control and place my happiness there instead. I can’t control whether or not this post is seen by anyone, but that shouldn’t dictate my writing it. I shouldn’t be writing for praise. I should be writing because I like to write. It should make me feel good that I wrote something at all. I should be able to say, “I like it, and I like me, and that’s enough.”

You know what? I do like my writing. I like this article. And hell, I like me. I am good enough. So, if you read this, cool, if not, whatevs, at least for today, I truly don’t mind. Tomorrow is another day, and another chance to practice inner happiness.

I hope you find yours too. =]